Did your ex say, “Its not you its me” when they dumped you? This commonly used phrase might seem confusing, especially if your significant other says it out of the blue.
Today, we’re going to explore the psychology behind using this phrase and what you can do if you find yourself hearing these words.
Reason One: They Don’t Want to Hurt You
When someone decides to end a relationship, it’s often a tough choice. But if things haven’t been going well and a breakup seems to be the only option for your partner, they’re going to think of using this phrase.
This may not be due to any of any aspect of your involvement being unsatisfactory. As a matter of fact, you might even be a great guy or gal. The only problem is that they feel your relationship lacks the romance it once had.
Ultimately, this phrase is a great way to avoid seeming rude and ensure that you don’t feel bad about the break-up.
Reason Two: They Have Personal Issues
Everybody has their own personal problems, setbacks, and tribulations. Sometimes, relationships can inhibit one’s ability to overcome these issues. This is when stepping down from a relationship can be ideal.
For example, your partner might’ve found it difficult to juggle their relationships with the stress of work, dealing with family matters, and mental health problems. This caused them to feel guilty about not being able to spend enough time with you.
Saying “It’s not you, it’s me” is an honest way to say that not engaging in a relationship can help both parties get their lives back on track and enjoy themselves a little more.
Reason Three: They Want to Take a Break But Keep You Around
When someone says, “It’s not you, it’s me,” they might be blaming themselves simply to keep you around. This means they’re only planning on taking a break rather than ending the relationship.
There are a myriad of reasons behind this, the likes of which can either be selfish or understandable. This section explores a few of them.
They Want Some Time Apart
When you’re in a serious relationship, breaking things off for good isn’t ideal. This is especially the case if you know that they’re the one.
People usually say that they’re the problem to end a rough patch your relationship may have been having and take some time apart to resolve every issue between them.
They Don’t Know What They Want
Alternatively, your partner might not be ready to commit to a full-fledged relationship. This means that even though they know you’re marriage material, they still need to figure out their long term expectations.
Though it might be difficult, you must give them some space. This will help them analyze themselves and come back to you with a clearer mindset.
They Want to “Have Fun”
In some cases, your partner may try to gain your sympathy in exchange for an opportunity to hook up with other people. The sad truth is that hookups tend to make certain individuals feel better at the expense of their partner’s trust and loyalty.
Instead of being kept around as a last resort, take matters into your own hands and abandon them. Trust me, it’s going to save you from a world of emotional torment and help you find someone else who deserves you.
What Can You Do Now?
Dealing with a break-up or just a timeout from a person you love might seem impossible at first. However, what you do to deal with it completely depends on a plethora of variables.
Below are some tips you should keep in mind when coping with a timeout or break-up.
Be Patient
If your partner had taken a hiatus from the relationship to better themselves, it’s best if you remain patient. A moment of clarity can help them surmise whether you’d be ideal for them and will help them work on themselves.
This act of selflessness goes a long way to helping you appear more desirable in your partners eyes during these trying times.
Distract Yourself Through Self-Growth
If they’ve broken up with you and there’s no chance of getting her back, try rebuilding yourself.
Discover what you’re passionate about. Take up a job that you actually like. Perhaps you could start going to the gym or visiting a psychologist or therapist to rectify any mental health issues you may have.
Remember, the key is to distract yourself and become a much better person than you used to be.
Take a Break From Dating
Amidst your efforts to become a better person, you must temporarily flee from the dating scene too. This will help you gain some more confidence, give you time to work on yourself, and reflect upon what went wrong.
Instead of placing the person you love on a pedestal, try spoiling yourself for a change. Treat yourself to a singles date, go for a trip on your own, and do whatever makes you happy.
Trust me, you genuinely deserve better after everything you’ve had to endure.
Now You Know What This Breakup Excuse Really Means
With that, we conclude this in-depth explanation of the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me.” Remember, be it a rejection or breakup, you need to stand up, dust yourself off, and get back on the horse. Keep in mind what you really want as far as relationships go and treat your significant other and everybody else with love, respect, and honor.
If you suspect your relationship is going downhill, I’d suggest you and your partner visit a relationship expert for counseling. These sessions will help you resolve any issues you may have with each other, giving you a brand-new outlook on life.