‘My husband is yelling at me. What should I do?’ This is, unfortunately, a common query among married women.
Yelling is a form of verbal abuse that also doubles as emotional abuse. If you’re on the receiving end of constant yelling, it can be damaging to your psyche. Read on to understand the reasons behind your husband’s yelling, as well as how to stop it.
Yelling Is A Form Of Emotional Abuse
Yelling is often seen as a form of emotional abuse because it can escalate a situation quickly and harm relationships. When one party resorts to yelling, it can cause the other person to feel intimidated, belittled, and insecure. In the long run, this can lead to resentment and a breakdown in communication.
Why Would A Husband Yell At His Wife?
There are a bunch of reasons why your husband might be raising his voice. While understanding these reasons can be useful, it doesn’t make the behavior acceptable.
Stress at Work or Personal Issues
Work pressure or personal challenges can cause a lot of stress. When someone is under stress, they might shout without meaning to. If your spouse is under a lot of pressure, he might raise his voice more often than usual.
Yelling isn’t the best reaction, but it’s one way some people release their stress. Figuring out the source of the stress and talking about it when everyone is calm can help cool things down.
Feeling Misunderstood
Sometimes, if your spouse feels like they’re not being heard or understood, they might get louder. Listening carefully and letting them know you understand can turn the volume back down.
Lack of Better Communication Skills
Not everyone knows how to share their feelings well. For some, yelling might seem like the only way to express themselves. Learning new ways to talk about feelings can help make conversations quieter and clearer.
Following Unhealthy Examples
If a person grew up in a household where yelling was frequent, they might have learned to communicate that way. When emotions run high, they may resort to shouting because, to them, it feels normal.
Health-Related Issues
Health problems can affect how a person behaves. Things like not getting enough sleep, pain, or even certain medicines can make someone more likely to yell. A check-up with a doctor might find out if there’s a health issue that needs attention.
Mental health issues can also be why your husband yells often.
Feeling Down: Depression
Depression is a serious condition that affects your mood and the way you think. People with depression might find it tough to manage their emotions, which can sometimes result in raising their voices or yelling without meaning to hurt anyone.
Worrying Too Much: Anxiety
For people with anxiety, the constant worry and fear can be exhausting. In moments of high stress, they might yell because they’re trying to cope with an invisible weight that’s always on their shoulders.
After Scary Events: PTSD
PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, can happen after someone has experienced something really frightening, like an accident or other traumatic event. It can cause them to feel like they’re reliving the scary experience over and over again.
This can be very upsetting and may lead to outbursts of yelling as a way to try to deal with these intense feelings.
Yelling as a Way to Control
Think about it: when someone yells at you, you might get a bit scared or just want the yelling to stop, so you do what they say. If your husband yells and it makes you change your actions to please him, he might keep doing it.
How To Get Your Husband To Stop Yelling
Living with someone who yells can be tough, especially if it’s your spouse. It’s important to deal with the frequent yelling because it can make everyone in the home feel unhappy or stressed. Here are some ideas on what to do if your partner raises their voice too often.
Talk About It In A Healthy Way
Choose a good time when things are calm, and have an open and honest dialogue. Explain how the yelling makes you feel without blaming them. Emphasize the fact that it is not acceptable in a healthy relationship.
Use “I” statements, like “I feel scared when voices are raised,” to express your emotions. This can help your spouse understand your perspective and may encourage them to think about why they yell.
You need to feel heard and valued. Let your husband know that you may need to take a break from your relationship if the yelling continues.
Set Boundaries
Together, decide on what’s acceptable when it comes to raising voices. Maybe you both agree that yelling should not happen in front of the kids or during a disagreement.
Writing down these rules can be helpful. That way, you both know what to expect, and it’s easier to notice when things start to get too loud.
Seek Professional Support
Counseling is one way to address this issue. It’s a type of help from a professional who can teach new strategies for managing stress and discussing concerns calmly.
If loud and angry outbursts are frequent, it might be a sign that it’s time to seek help.
Understanding Stress and Communication: Stress can lead to your husband yelling. A counselor can work with your partner to explore the underlying reasons behind his stress and to develop healthier ways to communicate.
Benefits of Professional Guidance: Counselors are trained to listen and provide support without judgment. They offer a safe space. Through counseling sessions, your partner can gain insights into their behavior and learn new ways to express themselves.
Finding the Right Counselor: It’s important to find a counselor who is a good fit. Look for someone with experience in dealing with stress and anger management. A good connection between the counselor and your partner is crucial.
Thinking About Your Own Actions
When emotions are running high, it’s not uncommon for voices to get louder. Check if you’re also raising your voice. If you find that you are, recognize that there are more effective ways to express your emotions. Yelling back can make the situation more stressful and doesn’t solve the problem at hand.
Instead of letting your voice volume escalate, take a deep breath and pause for a moment. This simple action can help calm your nerves and remind you that shouting isn’t helpful.
Look for alternative strategies to communicate when you’re feeling overwhelmed. You might try writing down your thoughts or expressing your feelings through ‘I’ statements, like “I feel upset when…”
Work with your spouse to identify triggers that lead to shouting, and agree on a signal to use when either of you notices voices are getting too loud. This can serve as a reminder to both of you to switch to calmer communication patterns.
Keeping Yourself Safe
If your husband frequently yells at you, it can cause you to feel unsafe. Developing a safety plan is key. Here’s what you can do to protect yourself during these intense moments.
Step 1) Identify a Safe Space
First, identify a safe space. This could be any place where you feel secure and comfortable. It might be a room in your house where you can lock the door, a friend’s house, or a public place like a library or community center.
Step 2) Keep your Phone Charged
Next, keep your phone charged and within reach. Make sure it has enough battery life so you can call for help if you need to.
Program important numbers into your contacts, like a trusted friend, a family member, or local emergency services (such as a national domestic violence hotline), so you can quickly call them without having to search.
Note: Consider creating a code word that you can say to someone you trust, like a friend or neighbor. It’s a discreet way to ask for assistance.
Step 3) Plan Your Exit
If the situation escalates and you need to leave immediately, plan your exit. Know which doors, windows, or stairways you can use to get out quickly and safely.
Practice the route in your mind, or even physically walk through it, so you can leave swiftly if the need arises.
Final Thoughts: Frequent Yelling Is A Sign Of A Toxic Relationship
It’s important to understand that people yell sometimes when they are under stress or facing other mental or physical health problems. However, if the yelling becomes too common, it is a cause for concern.
If your husband starts yelling at you all the time, you need to realize that it is a form of verbal and emotional abuse. Set clear boundaries and let him know it is not acceptable. Encourage him to seek the help of a professional.